Standing on the rock at the beach called Point England Reserve I was cold. A girl from my school was there her name was Lilly she went for a swim I saw her with her togs and goggles she was probably my age but I don't know. She had come with her brother he looked like a five year old.
As they were walking towards the water Lilies shoe SUNK right through the sand so she looked around and screamed very very loud HELP! So I had a little think in my head. Brother Dan ran to the park so I had a think in my head should I help her or not? I made my decision, I should go and help her.
Walking up to her, I was scared and she kept screaming HELP! Her little brother was still playing on the park so I held her on the arm and pulled but she said to me “Who are you?” I said “Hello I`m Sally and my last name is Palm. What is your name?”I said “Well my name is Lilly and thats my little brother Dan.” OOHHH!
“Anyways thanks for helping me get out of this yucky sand” Lilly was feeling really happy that she got out of the YUCKY sand.But for me I was feeling happy too because I had helped her. So I said to her “Do you wanna go for a swim?” “Yes.” replied Lilly “Well lets go.” And we had so MUCH FUN! playing tiggy on the sand.
As they were walking towards the water Lilies shoe SUNK right through the sand so she looked around and screamed very very loud HELP! So I had a little think in my head. Brother Dan ran to the park so I had a think in my head should I help her or not? I made my decision, I should go and help her.
Walking up to her, I was scared and she kept screaming HELP! Her little brother was still playing on the park so I held her on the arm and pulled but she said to me “Who are you?” I said “Hello I`m Sally and my last name is Palm. What is your name?”I said “Well my name is Lilly and thats my little brother Dan.” OOHHH!
“Anyways thanks for helping me get out of this yucky sand” Lilly was feeling really happy that she got out of the YUCKY sand.But for me I was feeling happy too because I had helped her. So I said to her “Do you wanna go for a swim?” “Yes.” replied Lilly “Well lets go.” And we had so MUCH FUN! playing tiggy on the sand.
1 comment:
Hi Mao,
I really like the way you put speech marks, full stops and capital letters in the right place. But there is some mistakes that you can fix up later. I reckon you worked very hard and got to publish your narrative on your blog. My favourite bit is the first paragraph because it is well writin and amazingly beautiful to read. Oh and one mistake I notice is that you knew the girls name but you asked her what her name was. By the way you fix it if you have time to. WELL DONE! I mostly liked ready it. Keep up the awesome work. Can't wait to see more!
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